Art Saved My Life

'Phoenix Kereru' by Xanthe Wyse

I am not exaggerating in the title. Art gave me a reason and a purpose to keep going, after I lost everything, including my mind and relative health, from circumstances beyond my control. Clinicians say I have permanent impairment from a mental injury (primary diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD and bipolar disorder).

Voice

Yesterday, I did something very challenging. I spoke at a public meeting, to decision-makers for funding in my town. This is a very big deal, as I have social anxiety disorder, as one of my multiple psychiatric diagnoses. Plus I had mutism, even into starting school, and sometimes as an adult. Which means that sometimes, I can't speak. I've had clinicially significant autism spectrum features since childhood.

Xanthe, recovering from a speech

Why did I speak?

I didn't wan't to speak, but I felt I needed to, as someone who has benefited from two small arts grants (NZ$500 each) for solo art as therapy exhibitions. My art at that stage, was a complete 'mess' (along with my life) but some people in the community mentored me to make the near-impossible, 'ridiculous goals' happen. When things were so bad, I couldn't speak or write a coherent sentence, or even do something basic, like cook a scrambled egg.

I was painting on any old thing, including garage paints on cardboard. The art grants paid for exhibition fees plus started my art kit with artist grade paints.

I spoke up, to help others who may benefit from arts grants, who are otherwise isolated. My concerns about the proposed changes were that arts were to be merged with sports, changing eligibility to whether can attract sponsorship or be commercially viable etc (my projects wouldn't have qualified).
​

What did I say?

I had some notes outlined on a single piece of  A4 paper, written in large letters in felt pen, as I can have difficulty seeing under stress. I didn't look at anyone, and my back was to the public when I spoke.

I don't have a recording of what I actually said but what I recall is:

• Being vulnerable, sharing a brief summary of my story (I recall the room went silent, other than my speaking).
• I addressed some key points expanding on my brief written submission.
• I pointed out the value of arts for mental health (even for those without diagnosed psychiatric disorders.
  
• ​I also addressed the high proposed spending and that it affects people like myself, on low incomes, who struggle to find somewhere to live (I currently live in a cold, damp shared house and I have been openly discrimated against).
• I mentioned a few people who worked for the council and supported my projects (one has recently passed away).​
• I now have a hobby art business (I don't actually make a profit but it gives me something meaningful to do).

I have enquired whether the hearing was recorded, so I could possibly do a transcript from my spoken submission. Summary of my original written submission.

Notes for my speech

How did it go?

I kept speaking, though tears, avoiding looking at anyone. Then, when I had covered the points on my notes, I asked if there were any questions.

The decision-makers (council members) commended me for my bravery and courage. One council member asked where they could view my art. I replied my websites: this one, soarpurpose.nz for original paintings and fine art prints. My other website: soarpurpose.com for my books and other creative expression as therapy (plus older blogs) as well. (It was very challenging to write books with my disabilities, that even my psychiatrist couldn't believe it).

Another council member said there were several submissions with similar concerns and asked how frequently I think funding should be given. I replied that it would be best to stay at twice annually, not go to annually, as things can change quickly in the art's world.

Then, I walked out. It took me around an hour to compose myself, sitting in my car, before I could drive. The photo is shortly after I walked out. I've been pretty tearful at times, since (very triggering).

More about the art as therapy exhibitions I had.

Transcript of my speech

I have since type typed up my speech and linked to video which has my speech in this blog post on my other Soar Purpose blog.

'Phoenix Kereru' Fine Art Print

NZ$35.00 - NZ$95.00

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Phoenix Kereru

I painted Phoenix Kereru in July 2021, now 3 years ago. She's actually a metaphorical self-portrait and the original painting has never been for sale (I said 'no' when someone asked to buy the original).

I do however, have vibrant, fine art prints of the Phoenix Kereru for sale at reasonable prices. She's way more vibrant under natural lighting than the dim light she was originally painted under.

The video clip below, from my mental health advocacy channel on YouTube, shows painting in poor lighting (a desk lamp), when I lived in a hostel for a year. It's taken me nearly 5 years to fill my first art journal (record of my colour mixing and notes for paintings). I can thank local artist, Sue Graham (Wildwood Gallery) for the art journal idea, one of the best tips over the decades of my doing art on and off. Some lessons with Sue helped me to get past some frustrations with painting with acyrlics (which I now specialise in), to get me on my way with more confidence.

I'm preparing to paint another kereru (semi-realistic  style) in a new art journal. My art studio is still a rented bedroom (with even less painting space than the hostel).

One thing that is recorded in both my art journal and the video description, is that the lyrics: 'they all say she's crazy' from the song 'Maniac' (from the film Flashdance), stuck out.  To me, it related to me to the stigma, including from those who should know better. The painting has a lot of movement, as I danced-painted, which feels very freeing.

I recently caught up with Sue. She remarked that painting gives me a voice. She's right. Art has given me a voice. Now, I have used my voice to speak up about the value of the arts in the community.