First Father's Day Without Dad

1/9/2024 0 Comments

First Father's Day Without Dad

I've been depressed lately, and I know a lot of it is because the first anniversary of Dad's death is coming up. I decided to do two small paintings linked to Dad. I often paint as a form of processing (grief, trauma).

I painted Dad in his younger years, plus one of his tools, a hand plane. I called both paintings 'Reliable', to reflect Dad's character plus his tools and workmanship.

'Reliable' (Dad using Buzzer)

Something unusual (these days) about my Dad, is that he had just one career, since he was a teenager. Carpentry, which was also his hobby. Dad died in his 80s ,so he worked with wood for over 65 years. He built things to last (houses, furniture etc). I actually use a writing desk he built over 40 years ago as my painting desk.

The painting of Dad using the buzzer was from a blurry, poor quality still in terrible lighting from his home movies from the '70s. It's actually much harder to paint detail with smaller paintings than in a medium to large size (because of the very fine brushwork). Both paintings are on 6x8" canvas boards (approximately A5 size).

'Reliable' (Hand Plane)

I remember Dad using the buzzer and hand planes in my childhood. His tools were still functional when he died. He was always particular about taking care of his tools. Some of his tools were over 100 years old. I kept a hand plane, which has now been retired as an ornament, which rests on the last piece of furniture he built for me. The hand plane is older than me (I'm in my 50s), and I think brought over with his original tool kit from Holland.

If you don't know what a buzzer and a hand plane are, they are both planing tools, to smooth straight edges from wood. I could likely name most of the tools in Dad's workshop, plus tell you what they are used for. My sisters and I spent time in our childhoods in Dad's workshop, hammering nails and sawing offcuts of wood.

I felt sad that his tools, workshop and the house he built are all gone. I felt upset at the haste of decisions made outside my control. No time or space to grieve. I am glad I at least have some photos of some of his tools and his workshop.

Today, I went for a walk and listened to some of Dad's music. (Shed a few tears when listened to his favourite music).

I started off with a warm mixture of yellow ochre and raw sienna as a ground layer, to have a warm ambience (like wood). I sketched the compositions with paint, then built up multiple layers. Just a tip: colours are all relative. For example, the skin tones didn't make sense until I put down some background layers.

I did dark brown glazes on one, to fit more a '70s look. I scratched up the background of the hand plane painting, to resemble Dad's workbench.

Will be getting some prints done for family.

Cherished photos

I just checked my photo archive, and here are some photos from when Dad was using tools, including the buzzer, 7 years ago. It was when Dad built me a set of drawers for my clothes. He was a bit puzzled why I was interested in taking photos. They are the last photos I took of Dad using his tools. Also, his using a bench saw inspired my first solo art as therapy exhibition, Spinning Orbit.

The hand plane, which I have now, was on the work bench at the time.

I cherish these photos, as Dad was busy in his workshop. I also cherish the few pieces of furniture I've kept that he designed and built. Basically, what I could cram into a rented bedroom.