From Sore to Soar

Anyone who has followed my art since my mental health advocacy days will likely know that flight is a recurring theme for me. I like to paint flying creatures, especially birds. I've previously painted more abstracted works. Sun Flutter (below) is my first attempt at painting a monarch butterfly. Also, my first attempt at painting a more realistic sunflower.

Sun Flutter by Xanthe Wyse

I have nothing planned out to write, just that I felt it was time to do an update. What usually happens, is I process something along the way. I had a thought to dig out a few of my old 'process' paintings. I'm a huge fan of art as therapy. 

Although I'm now trying to build a collection of 'fine art', I'm actually more known for my 'unrefined' art and how it's helped me to process trauma and to manage my mental health.

After skimming through some photos of old paintings, I chose one, which I have put below. I only had handy a poor quality file of it.

My previous sunflower paintings were stylised and in more a children's style. I painted 'Hot Air: Rise Above It' some years back now. It's actually my highest selling painting (I didn't put prices on my paintings in my first solo exhibition, as deep down, I didn't think they were any good!). I actually wrote a little story to go with it.

The 'real' reason I painted it was because I was stressed over a situation. There is an amusing anedote to go with it. A teenage girl came to the exhibtion and said: 'That toad looks like Mum.' I never confirmed that the toad was indeed inspired by a photo of her mother! A sense of humour can be a coping mechanism.

Sunny the sunflower was a metaphorical self-portrait. Same with birds etc.

I've had two solo exhibitions which I pitched as 'art as therapy' exhibitions. 

I painted as something to do when I was struggling so much, that I couldn't even fill out a form by myself. My mind was working so hard at blanking out trauma, that it blanked out so many memories with it, so that I couldn't even remember a few seconds prior.

Painting didn't actually require much cognition, at least not the 'messy' expressive stuff I was doing. I set myself a 'ridiculous goal' of a solo art exhibition when I had no money, no job and was homeless had my parents not taken me in after my marriage breakup. I was either in fight or flight or shutdown with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was also diagnosed bipolar disorder after a long stay in a psychiatric hospital in Australia.

I set the goal of the art exhibition, even though I had no idea really how it would happen, so that I didn't feel like a 'waste of space'. I have a chemistry degree and a teaching diploma from a while back I don't use, because I couldn't handle stress. It's been hard for me to keep a job, because of my significant mental health struggles.

I am grateful to artists and other creatives in the local community who mentored me to help make the exhibitions happen. Also their encouraging words, plus feedback from those who follow my progress on social media. Social media has been a mixed bag, with some great connections and some bullying.

I don't really like to dwell the awful stuff along the way but I think it's important to remember that many people, including myself, use creative expression as a coping mechanism. The arts have therapeutic value.

It's been a long and challenging journey, to get to where I am today. I still am affected on a daily basis by the disorders I am diagnosed with, yet I don't see them as a core part of my identity. Instead, I see myself as an artist and a creative individual. I've recently taken steps to take my art from hobby to semi-professional. I don't have the high output of some professional artists but I don't need to compare with them.

Some people have seen some of my struggles, the ups and downs and growth.

Recently, I returned to Australia, briefly, for the first time in 9 years. It was challenging but another coping mechanism was to go find some nature and take lots of photos. I am glad I took putty earplugs, as I needed them a lot, to cope with the city noises.

I went back mainly to see my son (now a young adult) but also to have a holiday and to challenge myself. It was the biggest solo travel in my lifetime (5 decades). Another reason I went back to Australia (just for 5 nights) was to try reframe the trauma.

I still have PTSD, even after 5 years of therapy with a clinical psychologist. I have made a lot of improvements from where I am at, but I am still rated as nearly 30% whole person impairment with my disabilities (after treatment and with managing best I can).

I don't have a high output with my art. I am hoping to do at least one painting per month. Each painting can take approximately 4 days to complete. Sometimes quicker if it's a very messy, expressive piece with a very elevated mood.

At this stage, I am offering on my website fine art print reproductions of a newer collection. I still have the phoenix (Phoenix Kereru), so I took her out into good lighting and photographed her for prints, too. Someone enquired about buying the original but I was not ready to sell her yet, as she's connected to many of my themes.

Most of my previous originals have been rehomed or destroyed (sometimes transformed into process scultpures which went into group exhibitions). I am hoping to exhibit the collection of paintings I am currently building in a group exhibition. It's pretty stressful doing solo exhibitions, so group exhibitions are less pressure.

For anyone in New Zealand who wants to bring to light a creative project, contact your local council about community arts grants to help make it happen. I've had two applications of $500 approved, to help purchase art materials and to pay gallery fees. Sometimes, grants of up to $2000 are approved but I thought $500 each exhibition was enough for where I was at.

I have managed to keep the same part-time job now for nearly 5 years. I recently went flatting for the first time in decades. It's not without it's frustrating challenges but it is a huge step towards independence.

I like to paint birds because I love to watch them free to do their own thing. I think I painted Sun Flutter because I was feeling vulnerable. I designed my business cards (vertical) with Sun Flutter on one side and Phoenix Kereru on the other.

Making my own purpose has helped to keep me going. Soar Purpose is now my focus.

'Sun Flutter' Fine Art Print

NZ$35.00

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​Check out my:

• fine art prints (reproductions from my more recent original paintings)
• my books (inspired by my experiences).
• my other blog, also called Soar Purpose (but a broader scope than visual arts).